On the Escalating Rage of the Far Left: When Reason Fails–Two Responses to Political Abuse from Relationship Abuse

Phyllis Beveridge Nissila

I am going to draw an analogy between how targets of abusers in relationships survive the abuse and how similar strategies can help targets of political abusers–i.e., individuals and groups I would define as those on the current far left who no longer engage with reason when it comes to certain topics, often shutting down attempts to even discuss the issues by the abuse tactics of censorship and/or violence.

In short and to the point: in each case of abuse there comes a point where reason ceases to work, where a different approach is needed if sanity is to resume and solutions are to be found, if only for the abuse target.

In each case, there comes a need to shift focus from thinking one can succeed with reconciliation and restoration strategies with those who resist reconciliation and restoration because they have another agenda, another goal, perhaps even what can be gained by causing and continuing emotional and/or violent crises that, as one observer noted recently, one should “never let…go to waste.”

In the political arena, it would seem to many that the far left is not really interested in bi-partisanship, in the rule of law to solve problems, or in the “goodness” that has made citizens of the United States “great,” as de Tocqueville observed. Rather, just as some abusers in relationships simply don’t want to stop their power ploys, or they may simply feel entitled, for some reason, to disrespect the other in the relationship by means of physical, mental, emotional, verbal, and/or spiritual abuse, the far left just wants trouble.

But rather than remain spinning in a frustrating quandary over that kind of destructive behavior in the political realm, perhaps there is another perspective, or two, from the relationship realm* that will not only stop the spinning (what I call the “crazy-g0-round”) but also enable the concerned to move forward beyond trying to reason with the opposition that seems to have dug its heels into a “my-way-or-none” mode.

To this end, I will expand the analogy by citing two strategies of defense and deliverance recommended for survivors of relationship abuse: “gray rock” and “N.C.” (No Contact), that I believe can help targets of political abuse.


Regarding the strategy called “gray rock” i.e., becoming as boring, dull, and minimally responsive as, well, a gray rock*, this strategy enables the target of abuse to hopefully tamp down some of the anger of the abuser until a more long-term solution can be achieved. Proverbs 26:19-21 offers a different but also illustrative analogy: “Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, a conflict ceases. Like charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man (or woman or group, I would add) for kindling strife.…” (NIV).

In short: don’t kindle strife even in defense, which is human nature to want to do, and the strife will eventually sputter out and die down. And note: although the abuse target may be responding in the calmest, most reasonable manner he or she can (and this can be very hard), it may still (unwittingly) kindle the abuser’s anger because abusers may well interpret any response as an invitation to continue stirring strife.

Some relationship abuse survivors note that a simple, “Hmmmm, interesting,” response works to defuse rage, as well as others such as, “I’ll have to get back to you on that later,” and/or, simply, “Oh,”–if any response at all is offered (see below for a more comprehensive strategy: No Contact).

Neuroscientists might add the perspective that when we are in the “emotion” center of the brain (amygdala) where, for example, we process responses to the emotions ginned up by real or imagined fear (“fight, flee or freeze”–or rage), because such thinking is critical for survival it might temporarily override more complex critical thinking (centered in the cerebral cortex).

Thus, depending upon the abuser’s mental and emotional condition, he, she, or they, in the case of rioting political “protesters,” may not be able to respond very well, at the moment, to reason, let alone carefully thought-out discussion.

However, gray rocking, even if effective, may still be only a stopgap measure until the target of abuse can establish “No Contact” (N.C.) or “Low Contact” (L.C. if, in the case of marital abuse, there are child custody and visitation issues to resolve over time, or if the abuser is in the workplace where interaction may be required).

I invite you, then, if this concerns you (like it concerns me), to consider the following additional strategy to help by-pass the anger of the political far left when it becomes apparent that reason–even gray rocking–is failing, or, as  Rahm Emmanuel implied, it’s the crisis the opposition really wants.

For if we devolve into anger ourselves in an attempt to diffuse anger, everybody loses–except, of course, the crisis mongers.


Sometimes, however, one has to just walk away; stop contact (or continue as minimally as possible, as in L.C., defined above).

It will be hard to discern if/when this strategy is what is called for, of course. Many on the far left have become “woke,” as the new term meaning “aware” implies, to what has been happening, and are slowly coming around to a more reasonable evaluation of the political scene.

But if in an attempt or many attempts to broach the salient issues one is consistently met with name-calling, insults, false accusations, even violence, it’s time to go N.C. while discerning what else one might be able to do in general to counter the “crisis” at hand.

This may necessitate distancing oneself even from loved ones, or “going N.C.”  in some cases, sadly, but it is a way to move on and to move forward in order to get back to civility, not to mention sanity, while working toward whatever one can do to solve the situation personally and/or as a citizen.

And, hopefully, there will be that ultimate reconciliation and restoration that one can always pray for, as well as praying for wisdom and discernment in one’s own daily analysis of all things in order to counter the also very human “blind sides”.


In the meantime, for those battles that might well be sourced in our real enemies, the “principalities and powers” from Satan’s realm, here is an “antidote” and some encouragement:

Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

(Psalm 91, NIV)

AND, here is a free, downloadable devotional booklet based on the verses in that psalm with real-life illustrations of how this can work.


*I offer a series of posts entitled, “Is it “The Silent Treatment” or Emotional Survival?” here, concerning how this abusive dynamic operates in partner/marital relationships. Those posts–and more, on related topics that include spiritual abuse–are featured on the page called “abuse“.  The lists include submissions by other writers/researchers/counselors as well.

POST SCRIPT: the reader may also wish to read my series of posts on “The State of Political Rage” that also includes commentaries on related topics.


This entry was posted in abuse, Commentaries, encouragement in hard times, end times spiritual survival, most recent posts, Psalm 91 devotionals, spiritual survival, survival tools and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to On the Escalating Rage of the Far Left: When Reason Fails–Two Responses to Political Abuse from Relationship Abuse

  1. Carl Gordon says:

    My impression is that not only do you expose the necessity of critical thinking and how to get there, the substance, links and other resources are a great aid to the reader in this regard. This one in particular. Many thanks.


    • pmb says:

      Thanks, Sis,

      I also think about how Jesus dealt with his adversaries.

      Sometimes he countered them, not by reacting, but with logic and counterpoint questions that exposed their error (but He knew this likely only made them angrier because…agenda).

      Other times, He “disappeared from their midst,” when, in my view, He knew that “mob mentality” aka “herd mentality” aka “gang mentality” had likely taken over (and, of course it was not His time to purposefully lay down His life for those who put their faith in Him as the only Way, Truth, and Life).

      And then, in the courtyard of His trial, He mostly remained silent.

      It was His time.

      For us.




  2. Colin Markham says:

    Nicely-reasoned piece Phyllis. We should recall that Hitler captured a whole nation, a seemingly civilised nation. He might be described as the greatest propagandist of the 20th century. His creed shut down debate and opposition with callous brutality. Let this be a warning to us all that the left will graduate from shrill rhetoric and censorship to something more sinister. Evil stalks the corridors of power and darkness extinguishes the light, the very opposite of what we read in John 1.5: ‘A light that shines in the dark, a light that darkness could not overpower.’ Ultimate power resides with God, not with human pride and ambition. There will be a final reckoning, and evil will be defeated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • pmb says:

      Preach it, Colin!

      These days, we so often hear only the part of the Gospel about the love of God and not so much about His (equal part) justice.

      And, sadly, we hear even less about how Jesus Christ reconciled both–for us–by willingly laying down His life as the perfect payment for the sins of everyone
      in every era who puts faith in Him as Savior and follows Him as Lord.

      I guess I preached it, too.

      Cheers and blessings,


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